Activity

So much comes up around career. I’m in a job that doesn’t serve my highest good and for which I judge myself. Although it doesn’t necessarily violate my values, it could, and it doesn’t align with my values anyway. And the low vibration negativity and victim consciousness that comes with the territory in my job can often be soul crushing. My self worth seems to be tied into what I do for a living and I lack the courage and confidence to believe I can do any better than what I do now. I constantly find myself wishing I’d chosen a different education path and that I’d pursued a degree in something, anything, rather than a 2 year criminal justice diploma but just as I didn’t know then what I wanted to do with my life, I don’t now know either. Coaching, ever since I discovered it, has held a lot of resonance and interest for me, but I have a ton of healing still to do and I lack the ability to see myself as a leader. My intention is to continue the slow process of healing the judgments I hold around my purpose in the world and actualizing my potential as an already whole and complete human being to fulfill that purpose.

Thought I would share some specifics around what came up for me as I was writing things down. Some of my misperceptions are that I am somehow incapable of certain things that others can do so easily…. like work 12 hour days, get small amounts of sleep, and still hold it together and excel. I tell myself I don’t have what it takes, that I’m not intelligent enough to move up. I don’t think I can forgive myself for no longer wanting to move up the ladder. Even though I know I don’t have what it truly takes to move up in my organization, which is a nodding head and heartless chest, and that’s a very good thing. I think you’re right Bev that I’ve wrapped so much of my worth as a human being around career. This is a perfect time to start working on this! I need to forgive myself for judging myself for wrapping my worth into my career growth and education. I still catch myself feeling better than someone else because I have a PhD and I don’t want to do that anymore either.

This is a big area to work on for sure. I have played it small in my career and never felt really sure if it’s the path I want to be on anyway. I think right away the limiting beliefs that come to mind are that I’m not qualified/good enough to do more than I do right now…and fear of putting myself out there and being judged. When I look at people in my field that are doing a lot more than I am I definitely don’t see myself as equal. And because I didn’t pursue an advanced degree I am somewhat unqualified to do more, but I think I also use that as an excuse to stay stuck. And then I am always looking at changing careers altogether. ugh..