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My wife has been asking me more than usual if I’m ok.  I always answer either that I’m fine or I’m tired, which isn’t a lie, because I’m always tired. But that’s always been my answer to that question, regardless of who’s asking it.  “I’m fine”. Even in the darkest years of my life when I wanted to die, the answer was always “I’m fine”.  And when I do that, I close myself off from what I’m feeling.  It’s no wonder I’m so out of touch with my feelings and what my body is trying to tell me.  A few days ago, maybe a week ago, she said I seemed depressed.  I told her I’m fine.  In my head, I was saying, “I’ve evolved past my decades of depression. I know how to handle that now”.  But she’s right.  Even I had had the thoughts that my depression isn’t fully healed. Today, she asked me again if I’m ok. I said I’m fine.  She didn’t believe me, so rather than brushing her off, I checked in with myself and told her “I don’t know what to do with my life.  I’m not sure what I want to be. I feel stuck and tired.  I’m scared for the kids futures”.   I didnt mention our relationship issues because we had that discussion a few days ago and I didn’t want to revisit it but the rest is all just as true. The moments of depression, or whatever you want to call it, aren’t constant.  But they’re there and they’re enough to keep me from moving forward into my potential and purpose. When I realize I’m stuck in that victim consciousness, I return to the present moment and find relief in that.  But I’m in and out lately…. Just want to check in honestly with where I’m at.  Not meant to be negative.  Just honest.  And rather than isolate and withdraw, as is my pattern, I thought I’d check into a safe space with what’s present for me.  And I know I’ll be ok. I’ve come too far to turn away from my path now. Just wanted to share rather than hide.