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Jane Cornelius posted an update 6 years, 4 months ago
I’ve been working on my unfinished business of healing not knowing my father by doing a lot of writing to sort out my feelings and what the unfinished business is. I’m discovering how multilayered it is, now that I’m actually looking at it and not ignoring it. One layer is not knowing much about my father as a person, who he was, and who he turned out to be later, and how that relates to me struggling to know myself. Feeling like I’m half of a person or that I’m missing a part of my identity. Another layer is my judgment of myself being unworthy and unloveable because my father never tried to meet me or reach out to me. Then I’m also discovering a whole other layer related to my mom and the fact that we rarely talked about my father, that she made me feel like I couldn’t talk about him or ask questions when I was growing up and that I felt like it was something I was supposed to be ashamed of. In the last call when you guys were sharing about your families I could relate. Mine is definitely the “let’s pretend everything is fine” all the time and never talk about anything we’re feeling type. I’m glad I’m sorting it all out and able to share here as I look at each piece of me that needs healing. Not sure what that healing will look like but I feel good that I’m no longer pretending the pain isn’t there.
Jane, glad you are here and able to articulate the layers. I see you separating out the different threads that hold the relationship narrative. What I witness is that you are the one you are doing this for. The very fact that you are saying that the pain is there and real, is the start to healing. It is sacred work, holding a candle of light for you.
Thank you Tami, your words are very comforting!
The intention is what matters. I often hear people say, I don’t know what this will look like or I don’t know how. Of course, you don’t. The intention will guide your energy and give your energy the attention it needs to blossom into healing. I so relate with the layers of healing. It was great to hear you acknowledge these different pieces. Each can use its own process and healing. It’s so easy to see how many misunderstandings were picked up in all these different situations. It was a lot for your young one to unpack. Honoring you for doing the unpacking now.
Thank you Bev. I can definitely feel the shift. In the past I would’ve been freaking out wanting to know how to “fix” it vs heal it and needing to know “how”…to now feeling peaceful about not knowing the how, and just peeling it all back and looking at it and like you said having the intention to heal and trusting that it will all unfold how it’s meant to. I’m so glad to have this safe space to lay it all out and look at it.
Jane, I honor your courage to tackle this unfinished business. Sending you love and peace.