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Wes Richards posted an update 6 years, 5 months ago
I’m not sure how to answer question 4 of the finishing unfinished business process. It calls for a yes or no answer but it doesn’t seem that simple to me. In theory, I’d say that I’m willing to stop buying into this pattern, my old story, or I wouldn’t have been healing these past 3 years. On the other hand, I still haven’t healed which suggests I’m still more invested in it than I should be. I’ve been sitting with this question for over a week now and noticing a feeling of uncertainty. I think I’m feeling restless over not taking any meaningful action as well. There are several business and coaching events abroad coming up next year as well as a diploma program that’s caught my interest, all involving a financial investment, with no guarantee of a return on investment and no real faith in myself to make something out of any of this, assuming I could make a decision or had some endgame in sight to begin with. And I can’t afford all of them. So I can’t afford to make the wrong decisions… For now, just not feeling focused or confident in my direction… I was going to end this post here and submit it in the lab as is before I decided to reread it. Noticed that I was missing something. My restlessness or frustration over my lack of meaningful action represents my fear of choosing a different story. My old story is very much characterized by being held back by fear from pursuing opportunities. But there’s also a history of stretching myself in recent years and taking actions that were scary and uncertain for me. One was the TCM certification and retreat. The other was the Isagenix event in Phoenix this past January. Both great experiences that I wouldn’t change and got a lot out of but… I didn’t make anything happen out of either of those situations. The TCM certificate sits in a frame and the isagenix business isn’t something I’m motivated to start or nurture or explore. So even as I stretch and reach for something better, for a new story, my old one clearly still has a grip on me… the part of my old story that comes up for me here is that I don’t know what my desires are. I’ve never been clear on what I want. Or I have been, but the doubts and fears that having a desire brings up for me have overwhelmed me to the point that I convince myself that what I want isn’t what I really want. And really these doubts and fears are the unresolved issues that I’m trying to resolve by not buying into my old story and creating a new one aligned with where I am now… But where I am now is still only marginally ahead of where I’d always been. I don’t know. At this point, I’m just more confused.
Great job sticking with the process. What caught my attention is that I hear you always returning to your old story and wanting to understand it or justify it in some way. This makes it seem like you are more committed to the doubts and fears as truth than anything else. Not to compare stories but share my experience. At a certain point, I choose to move forward in creating my new path, story and experience. I just went for it. I didn’t know what it would look like or what return I would get. The process was the return. Learning to love myself through all my choices was the return. Expressing myself and following my own internal guidance system was the return. I just took the next best step (in my perspective) and it’s lead to where I am today. What’s the next best thing you could do in your life that would feel good for you? And what’s the inner return you would get from that?
Short answer is that confidence, capability, and fearless nonattachment need to become part of my new story, despite not having much prior experience with it in my old story.
YES!