Activity

The life I intend to experience, not just 6 months from now, but even today, is one of appreciation for what is.   Simplest way I can put it.   It probably starts today (I’m fact, its been in motion for a while now) with recognizing how I hold my anxiety.  I currently hold it as my normal state, meaning I’m comfortable, or more accurately, familiar with it to the point that I accept it as normal, yet still resist fully accepting myself in relationship to it.  In other words, I accept it as normal but resist that it has to be this way.  This is where I’ve been noticing my latest shift.  I’m accepting my “anxiety”, not as normal, and not as the best I can hope for, and neither as a one size fits all label, but as the best way I’ve known up to this point of expressing my unique, one of a kind life force and energy into the world of form.  That’s it.  No need for analysis or judgment.  Its just a part of my ego’s relationship to the world of form based on my identification with it.  In this new life, I intend to get really curious about the anxiety.   Welcome it in.   See it as my teacher.  Question it and open to the learning.  More I learn from it, the more I resolve the issue I have with it.  Its no longer a part of me but of the background as I become its witness.  As I witness fear and anxiety arise for me, I use that moment of awareness to detach from judgment and expectation, get curious and open to its teachings for me in that moment.  New avenues of life are beginning to open up to me now, in this new life.  I’m already more capable as the limitlessness of my potential as a spiritual being becomes more and more real to me.  As I’m more capable, I become more in acceptance of my job, deepening in gratitude for its gifts while mastering my relationship to the many grievances I hold towards it.  In so doing, I’m content with my job and my role within it.  But capability in my job, in one thing, is how I do everything.  This capability translates into the capability to explore transitioning out of my job.  I’m open to risking failure, over and over again, with the intention of curiously exploring what I’m passionate about doing.  This could start with Isagenix.  For months now, I’ve been connected with like minded people from the company, feeling pulled to attend more events with them, but held back by the beliefs that  it isn’t for me, without exploring the beliefs that lead me to feel that way.  But maybe its not isagenix, or it is for a time, but its not what I’m passionate about.  Or it becomes a meaningful piece of the process of finding my passion at a later time.  Whatever, I’m enjoying the learning, trusting the process.  At the same time as this is occurring, I’ve dropped the limiting belief that I can’t empower myself to learn how to overcome any other limiting belief.  In this specific instance, I intend to learn how my pension works and the options that are available to me if I retire now.  With acceptance of my present moment experience, I’m deepening my connection with myself.   As I do so, I’m opening up and deepening in old and new relationships that support this connection with myself.  The ones that don’t are falling away on their own, their lessons complete.  Throughout this process, fear has still been present.  Anxiety still there.  But not always, and not as my expectation of normal.   When its been present for me, I stop and breathe intentionally for a while.  Maybe a few minutes.  Maybe a few days.  I’m not stuck.  That would be a judgment.  Everything’s ok.  I’m supported by the universe.  The fear passes.  Until it returns again down the road.  But for now, a new door has opened.  So I get curious about where it leads.  And I open it…