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Wes Richards posted an update 7 years, 7 months ago
I’ve long held a belief that I’m not intellectual aka “dumb”. This was mostly based on my social anxiety and awkwardness and hearing myself referred to as an idiot one too many times rather than my ability to learn and do well in school. I came to believe it myself, for a very long time. It’s also based on my belief in myself as a slow learner. Its really like I stopped learning the day I graduated high school. These beliefs have held me back in so many areas of life and become somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy in that I never bothered to learn so many important things out of fear of not being able to learn. And it holds me back to this day. I get incredibly frustrated when I find myself lost in a conversation about history, politics, world events, finances etc. and especially in areas related to masculinity like home or auto repair. I feel inadequate and inferior despite knowing I’m not. My 3 foot toss is something I don’t want to do. I’m thinking of doing a dialogue with the “dumb” feeling. Thing is I really don’t strongly resonate with this tool. I still haven’t completed the one from last months dimension. At the same time, I want to get clear on what “dumb” wants me to know and I want to release it. I know, intellectually (ironically enough), that I’m not dumb and that I have a ton of innate wisdom. But intellectual knowing and experiential knowing are very different things. I’ll try it though. On the other hand, Bev, or anyone, if you can you think of a tool that you think might serve me better than the dialogue but still allow me to learn from the feeling and release it, I’d be open to hearing it. I’m thinking it might not be the best idea to do something I don’t really resonate with.
I think your wisdom that trying the tool that doesn’t resonate and perhaps is reflecting back some resistance could be really helpful in your process. The intention being to befriend our parts and learn from them. I love this because it’s us honoring these parts that our ego judges. The spirit knows that all our parts of wisdom to share with us. It’s also a making peace with all of ourselves. It’s really a spiritual process of love, acceptance and compassion from which we then can create being a clear channel. I would think of these beliefs as still things that block your full potential and spirituality because I believe it may support you in seeing the benefit of clearing the old so you can create even more new!
Good enough for me! I’ll do the dialogue. For now, here’s something else that came through me to be expressed:
“Dumb” isn’t my truth. It was projected onto me by others who couldn’t understand me and associated what they experienced as being dumb. Adopting their projection as a belief protected me from risking voicing my opinion and being hurt and torn down further. It made sense at the time. It also kept me dissociative from others which kept me behind on learning to be confident socially and on learning life skills growing up, many that I still lack but am able to compensate for nonetheless, which, in itself, is a testament to my intelligence and resilience. It was the only thing that made sense to my developing mind at the time. But I realized it stopped making sense long ago. By then, I didn’t know myself without it and wasn’t willing to risk further damage and failure and thereby validating the belief rather than transforming it…. I forgive myself for judging myself as dumb or intellectually inferior. I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I am stupid and incapable of learning new things. I forgive myself for buying into the misperception that in order to protect myself from being perceived as dumb I had to silence my voice and my truth. I forgive myself for buying into the belief that I am not good enough to learn the things today that I refused to listen to or to learn when I was a confused child. I forgive myself for buying into the misperception that asking questions was a sign of stupidity. I forgive myself for buying into the belief of the few people who thought I was dumb versus the many who regarded me as smart….. The truth is I have been learning all along. The truth is, as a spiritual being having a human experience, I am innately wise. The truth is there were more people who regarded me as intelligent because of my grades than there were people who thought of me as stupid. The truth is I was born for learning. It’s my very nature…. I lovingly honor this feeling of being dumb for it’s intention and service in protecting me from further harm and erosion of self worth but I release it with love and appreciation as it is no longer serving who I am.
P.S. You just did a dialogue:) That’s why this came through you. You started to tap into dumb and your Authentic Self. I see a big learning here that you don’t have adopt other people’s experience, judgment or misunderstanding of you anymore. You get to say what it is. You get to share yourself into the world in a way that feels authentic to you. You get to say what it is now. This is so powerful. There’s really an opportunity to make peace with this and dumb coming forward has given you this insight. Isn’t this all remarkable. How we really can heal ourselves with what’s going on within us! It blows me away:) Powerful self-forgiveness and truth statements. Now own and embody the truth. You can be done with inferiority, dumb, not good enough. “I’m done with it, I’m owning what I know to be true, I’m spiritual being having a human experience.” “I’m not buying into this anymore. I know and own my truth!” “I release this and own my worth as the spiritual being I KNOW I am.” So awesome Wes, this feels big. How does it feel to you?
Feels liberating. I’m not bound by anything any more. Like you say, I get to decide and that insight feels incredibly true in this moment. This is a belief that I’ve been releasing and reframing for months or years now but it always came back. I feel like I released it for the last time. I so appreciate your insights! I will be deciding what is from now on 🙂
Yes, and even if it comes back into your consciousness you just release it again. You don’t have to take it back anymore.