Activity

I haven’t been active this past month with the financial aspect. I’ve noticed resistance when it comes to deserving abundance. And I’ve also noticed that reflected back to me in my life. Case in point was when my wife and I were shopping for houses a year ago. At some point in the process, we both decided we “deserved” to splurge on a larger home. So we upped our upper limit. We had lost out on a house we loved early in the process because we hadn’t been willing to spend to this limit. Anyway, we found a few houses we loved at the price we were willing to spend but were either a day late in offering or lost out in a bidding war. The house we ended up with is nice. But it was $40000 more than our max limit and not as nice as the ones we lost out on. It even lacked the finished basement we had earlier decided would be a deal breaker. But we were growing desperate to have a house by the time we had to be out of ours. The seller wasnt entertaining offers below the asking price and we had to meet these demands. It’s a nice house. I’m not complaining. And I am grateful. But the experience of “deserving” something and coming up with less than we wanted at more than we wanted to pay seemed to validate the belief I’d always held that I didn’t deserve nice things. I’d always felt guilty growing up more fortunate than others in other countries. Not that I had a lot but I had enough. And I recall feeling guilt and shame over that. I think these beliefs are still effecting how I live my life today.