Activity

I’m noticing how many of the areas of importance I identified at the start of the year are currently experiencing small improvements or in some cases, uplevels.  One of these uplevels is my relationship with my wife.  She’s been undergoing an amazingly beautiful process of her own, independent of, yet still connected to, and complementary with, my own.  Hers is more intuitive and spiritual than recovery or healing based but its deepened our connection in a lot of ways.  We’re making more time for one another.  She’s making her health a priority, including hiring a nutritionist/coach and cardio at the gym as well as yoga.  Today we went to the gym together so I could coach her on some weight training since she’s new to it.  She also made me a journal and wrote in 31 personal growth related journal prompts, one on each page, as a gift.  We’re communicating a lot more and releasing or healing resentment/limiting beliefs that have existed between us.  And we’ve been doing a lot of Marie Kondo style tidying up/decluttering.  

In other areas, I’m noticing I’ve brought more consciousness to my coping mechanisms and set boundaries for myself that have made a big difference in my success with moderation.  This is opening me up to feeling my feelings and practicing self acceptance and non resistance as a result of being present to myself.  Also been intending more to connect with others with purpose.  I’ve found a conscious men’s group on Facebook and reached out to one of the members on there who, despite the odds given the small group size, happens to live in my city.  If we do connect in person, I’ll be doing so without putting pressure on myself to be anyone other than who I am.   I also contribute to various message threads centered around differing topics within the same group and I continue to maintain connections with various coaching friends, including one I found myself supporting through her own mental health struggles.  As well, I continue to take steps at work towards owning and accepting myself through more genuine connection with coworkers.  And I’m noticing that my mood has improved, perhaps partially in response to the medication I started back on at the beginning of the month.  I now see a psychiatrist once a month, by choice, so I’m not sure if that means I’m in therapy but regardless, I’m excited about allowing myself to receive support.  This reflects my intention to improve my mental health.  Then, although career wasn’t an area I specifically identified for that exercise, I’m noticing more intuitive pulls towards changing careers, if not any real progress made towards doing so.  These have come in the form of several card pulls, a few by random professionals in fb groups and some that my wife has pulled for me, that all point to stepping into larger purpose.  As well, I’ve gone over pension options with my financial advisor that include resigning and cashing in my pension which, although scary, are potentially very doable.  

For sure, part of these improvements are me consciously intending to improve in these areas but there’s also more of an allowance or receiving of it to come into my experience, more of a sense of ease to how it unfolds for me.  I feel as though I’m moving more in the direction of allowing happiness than I am towards resisting it.  And I’m so grateful for the people that make this group what it is.  I’m so encouraged and empowered by how I’ve been received, especially when I shared vulnerably about parts of my experience that seem to run counter to traditional recovery and that I expressed shame over.  Also appreciate how my written posts and shares within this group seem to resonate with so many.   I deeply appreciate how I’ve been held in this space.  Thanks for seeing me.