Activity

My new story starts with my breath.  Watching it when I can.   With compassion and without judgment.  This ties into my yoga classes I’ve been attending recently and fairly regularly.   Each class is like a microcosm of my process.  I practice compassion and nonjudgment as I challenge myself to enter my body, to accept it, through the poses. I move in and out of the poses with my breath.   Its not always perfect, or pretty, but those moments serve as a reminder to drop the thought, the judgment, and put my best self forward into the next pose.   While I’m thinking of it,  attending public yoga sessions would’ve been out of the question a few short years ago.  I remember because the desire to do so was there at that time but I found every excuse ie. fear, not to try… When I see people, I smile at them.   Its the same smile I always smiled, just far more frequently and with the belief that its beautiful, rather than awkward.   I’m not concerned about how me or my smile are received because I smile as an expression of my true self, recognizing any expectation that may arise as my ego and nodding at it with compassion… I’m grateful for my job.   Its brought a lot of abundance into my life and continues to do so.   My house, truck, wife, and kids, to name but a few things I never thought I could have, all came through my job.  My dissatisfaction with, and resistance to, it is all rooted in fear.   Fear of things that never happened.  Fear of things that aren’t true.  Fear of things that don’t matter…. I’m not concerned with people’s impressions of me, be they positive or negative.  To do so is to define myself by my past since their idea of me is based on who I was in the past as well as being filtered through their own experience and frame of reference at the time they formed it, things beyond my control.  Every moment is a new chance to change their impression of me.  Not for the sake of making their impressions of me better, but as a byproduct of me embodying my best self and living my highest truth.   And in so doing, I will lose people I thought I valued or repel people that may otherwise have wanted to know me, but in living my truth, I will strengthen the relationships that are meant to matter and attract more powerful ones that inspire me to align even more with my highest self… When I’m out in public, I’m as comfortable there as I am when I’m alone.  I believe in my own uniqueness as an expression of my purpose, be it known or not; doesn’t matter either way as I trust the process.   With this new story, I don’t see the differences between myself and others.  There’s no judgment of how others express themselves because of how it makes me feel about myself.   I honor the fears and anxiety that arise for me in public, in relation to others, because it reminds me that nothing is wrong with me.  I don’t need to change anything to be more “normal” like others.  Normal doesn’t exist and as different as I may perceive myself to be from them, they perhaps believe themselves to be from me or from each other; point being we are all more alike than we are different.  Doesn’t matter if others see it so long as I know it, and live my life from that knowingness…. My new story is rooted firmly in the learning inherent in my moment to moment experience, which I live with curiousity and excitement.   Living it in fear is no longer aligned with my highest good.   That it ever might have been is highly debatable but ultimately of no consequence… work in progress