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Finally sharing my judgements from the first call.. been noticing them as they come up. They are not always there, they feel less heavy than before but still there under the surface, in how I show up sometimes, in decisions I make or don’t make, in what I expect from life or other people.

I judge my body as too fat and gross and ugly.
I judge myself and my behaviors around eating and food as disgusting and embarrassing and shameful.
I judge myself as not good enough for a relationship. That I’m not loveable, that no one will want me. I judge myself as a failure in past relationships and not enough.
I judge how I relate to other people all the time. That people think I am wrong or dumb or annoying.
I judge myself at work as lazy. I judge my lack of career advancement as lazy and pathetic and judge myself as a failure because I haven’t done more with my life.
I judge my behavior around finances as terrible and judge my past mistakes as wrong and bad.
I judge myself for not being a good daughter and then judge myself for caretaking and enabling my mother.
Underneath it all I know these are all the same judgements. There’s something wrong with me. I’m not good enough. I’m wrong, I’m bad, I’m a mistake.