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Tami Coil posted an update 6 years, 6 months ago
Karen, I listened to the July call this week and your transparency dealing with your judgements helped me to see that the child (you or me) isn’t the problem the experience of not being cared for, loved and attached is the problem. I could relate with a me too of my parents only showing conditional love, especially my father. It helped me to turn toward my judgements as this is specific to me and universal at the same time. I am glad that we are here to find a safe place to be known and loved.
Precisely why I love the paradigm that healing impacts us all. We can witness in others and experience it in ourselves. It’s universal and all meaningful!
Tami, so glad it helped. Yes, one of the things I’ve learned (and grieved over) is that I carried a weight of shame for so long that the reason my parents struggled was because of me and I tried hard to be more perfect so they would “get better.” When, in fact, it was just that their struggles that were totally unrelated to me affected their relationship with me and their ability to care for me. Sadly, they had a very very rough childhood. Their behavior affected me, but was not done because of me. I’ve seen these problems play out in my own life because those triggers from the past affect the present. I still struggle with not taking it personally sometimes, and it’s almost a minute by minute mindfulness for me that keeps reminding me to separate who I am from what is happening around me, and that they are separate. No matter the situation, my worth and value is the same. I am GOOD. 🙂
Karen, I am witnessing you telling your truth of goodness and doing the work to belong to you. Personal Agency apart from Mom and Dad’s process. I wish a class in school was taught at an early age that we don’t have to carry parent’s unfinished business. As young’ins we just knew to absorb without any protection. And here we are today in this circle unlearning and learning. Love got us all here. Grateful to hear your story and support you as you are claiming the truth that you are worthy and valuable. And it is fluid, not a one stop activity. In it with you.