Activity

I relate to my home living environment as both a sanctuary and an albatross. There’s a paradox to that that creates if not negative energy, then anxious or nervous energy. It’s a sanctuary because it’s the place I most want to be. I can relax there and let down my guard. I know I’m loved by everyone within it’s walls. The mask I still, despite consciously working to slowly but surely remove it, wear at work or in public isn’t needed there. On the other hand, it can be an albatross because I worry about keeping it or losing it. I know that in order to do keep it, I have to report to an oppressive work environment that also needs my attention. I see things that need to be done around the house that I feel incapable of doing, or unwilling to do. I see too many things that I make mean things about me. My marriage is also reflected in my living space… So it seems like a lot. I’m committed to exploring the learning that it holds for me.

Although I can relate to living environment in terms of home, work, and body, what’s coming up the strongest right now is home. Listening to the webinar, I realized that accepting the present state will be a big first step for me, and then thinking of a 3ft toss instead of a 3 mile toss. I don’t have my own place, and I feel very stifled and limited because of it. Although I’ve become more accepting of where I am in the last 6 months or so and even happier there because of being sober, I can definitely see where I am in resistance around my home living environment and how that could be keeping me stuck physically & energetically. I also feel like when looking at my desired state I can look at that more in terms of qualities than actual physical location for now. I definitely see my body as another living environment that needs to be addressed but I’m going to focus on home for this month and know that I can work on one thing at a time and not be overwhelmed.